My magnum opus: best NYC bakeries

"Crazy how the very first sin was a woman who ate"

We’re starting off strong with the question that friends and friends of friends and exes of friends and all of their (our) enemies ask me: where can I find the best baked goods in New York City? They count on me because I believe one should research everything (try all the croissants!) and I hold my baked goods to skyscraper standards (can I do it better?).