Happy Friday! Here’s what you can expect today: the Paris Olympics and the games in general, a perfect book for summer reading, and a heartbreaking song to match a heartbreaking interview. Of course, I have thoughts on the Ballerina Farm discourse…it’s not what you think. They need media training, or maybe they don’t. Btw, non-healthcare letters will be paywalled moving forward (with previews for subscribers because you’ve earned it).
WHAT I’M INTO
Press Play: “Sullen Girl” by Fiona Apple
RollingStone likened Fiona Apple to a caged bird singing in the late 90s. Of “Sullen Girl,” Apple explains she wrote this because she’s often described as a sullen girl because she’s quiet and tends to sink further into herself when she feels misunderstood. She croons, “They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea/ But he washed me 'shore, and he took my pearl/ And left an empty shell of me..”
Borrow from your local public library: The Summer Book by Tove Jansson
Have you ever spent a summer on a remote Finnish island? I haven’t, but this book makes me feel like I have. Jansson describes nature with utmost respect through the eyes of a child and her grandmother. It’s an open-minded book for when you want a break from the humidity of our concrete jungle.
Anti-algorithm news: “Meet the queen of the ‘trad wives’ (and her eight children)” by Megan Agnew (The Times)
If you’re unfamiliar with her work, Hannah Neeleman is a Juilliard-trained ballerina known for her pastoral lifestyle. She’ll sell you overpriced sourdough starter. Hannah Neeleman is a brand and she is Very Smart™. Like starting college at 16 years old and paying for school with pageant scholarships smart. If you know who she is, you likely know her for her frugal Ballerina Farm persona. A pretty, domestic, and linen-clad homesteading (read: hardworking) mother of eight (8) beautiful children. Because she’s both an object of fascination and a blank canvas, people project all sorts of things onto her. I first learned of her in 2022, when the algorithm hit me with a TikTok criticizing the Ballerina Farm account of faking their life for followers, having help, and being rich. We later learned that she’s married to the JetBlue heir.
This didn’t really matter to me for three reasons:
I’m not swayed by trad wife content. Or anti-trad wife content, for that matter. Women can choose that life or not, it’s none of my business
I’d rather rich people flaunt their disposable income and leisure time by living off their land and raising a fleet of kids than indulging in excessive consumption
Living off the land and its provisions shouldn’t be a strictly conservative position (we all benefit from touching grass, as they say)
This isn’t the first profile on Ballerina Farm, but it is the most illuminating. Others politicize her decisions to death and drip of disdain. Agnew’s curiosity gains her access and trust. We learn that she rejected him for six months before he trapped her into a first date (in a move that can only be perceived as romantic because they’re married, but was stalker behavior). She wanted to date for a year before marriage, but he vetoed that. They got married three months later and pregnant three months after that. She never did graduate from Juilliard. Agnew profiles them without harsh judgment (After Publication Edit: Hannah has since said she felt Agnew misrepresented their family), yet the interview reveals the pattern of a wife who sacrifices everything for her husband and kids.
Do you know how hard it is to get into Juilliard? Today, the Dance division accepts 18-26 students a year—at an admission rate of about 3%. She earned her place. Personally, the interview’s low isn’t when she whispers about how she took an epidural as a treat during one of the eight births because her husband wasn’t there. It’s when she reflects, “And I was going to be a ballerina. I was a good ballerina.” She could have been extraordinary.
Neeleman is a woman with agency, dancing a pas de deux in her marriage. But things aren’t that simple for religious wives. I was raised in an evangelical household, learning that the man was the head of the household, and his wife was submissive (in actuality, my parents were equal partners, but the Bible said what it said). This wife suffers in the name of Jesus for the benefit of The Family™. She’s always good to her husband and doesn’t bring him shame. My view is that this piece tells the story of a devout Mormon woman who was raised to be a wife and either needs better media training or is a PR genius. When you’re raised to be used, you learn to exploit yourself, too.
WHAT I’M GRATEFUL FOR
OxiClean: I’m sure it’s not great for us/the environment, but it’s the only thing keeping my vintage white Levi’s jeans and white tees/button-ups in rotation all summer. I like to soak things in the product, and then dump it all into the wash (OxiClean water included). Don’t tell me vinegar + baking soda work just as well, because I’ve tried this already.
Ophthalmologists: My screen time would send a Victorian child into a coma. I’m thankful for my ophthalmologist because he plugs my tear ducts and reminds me that I have irreparable damage to my optic nerve (not from screen time).
Oral Rehydration Solution: The ballet studio I’m loyal to in NYC, like my ballet studios in France, doesn’t have AC. While the heat might be better for our muscles and flexibility, I leave class feeling woozy from dehydration. Making an ORS at home is the only thing keeping me from collapsing at the end of the day. 1tbsp sugar, 1tbsp salt, squeeze in whatever fresh citrus juice you want, and add 24oz of water. This 1:1 sugar:salt ratio saved many babies from dehydration over the years, including ME.
WHAT I’M UP TO